Return to Horror High-Are you a spoof or a real movie? Either way, you suck.
I liked Scream for what it was, the third one being the best. And I liked Scary Movie-once. This movie was compared to those two flicks, and it does not even come close. As a kid, this movie looked genuinely frightening just from the cover. Boy, was I disillusioned. Now, here I am at 31 years old and I finally get to watch it. To say I was expecting a masterpiece would be a lie, as I knew full well it would stink. I was unprepared for how badly it would stink. Ladies and Gentlemen, it was worse than Asylum. No, really. I’ve seen better acting in porn. Maureen McCormick (Marsha Brady, kids!) heads up a cast that also includes a young George Clooney. No, mom. The movie is not worth it.
A camera crew shows up and turns the scene of a series of murders into a movie set, and the story opens with one lone survivor telling the police what happened. From there, this twenty car pile-up in 5 o’clock traffic takes a downward spiral straight to hell so fast it doesn’t even get to slap high-fives with the Cerberus. Not only is the plot thin, it seems that the directors and writers couldn’t decide if it was supposed to be a spoof or a real horror movie. So they did both. No, I’m not making this s**t up. They did both. What’s worse, the gags aren’t even funny. Gratuitous boobies (not Maureen McCormick’s) and gallons of blood aside, seeing effects as fake as a set of silicon fun-bags makes this steaming pile of poo-poo even more painful to watch. While I was not in physical pain like I was when I watched Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, I believe I could have been doing more constructive things like over-dosing on sleeping pills or having sex with a wall outlet. Do not watch this movie. Not everyone is doing it, and it will not make you cool. The people in this travesty who still have careers will not admit to being in it, so why admit to watching it? Let me take this one for the team guys. AVOID!!!
Verdict: If you find a copy of this rare gem, promptly take it out behind the shed and do what needs to be done.