Bad Movies Beware!
I had high expectations for Drag Me to Hell, and I was even told that it was a decent flick. I, like so many other movie-goers, actually got suckered in by very cool-looking previews and trailers. I finally got to watch it, and I have to say that while it had its moments, this movie was clown shoes when it was all said and done. Christine, a loan officer at a bank, is offered a promotion if she can make a tough decision that will net the bank serious money and close a big deal that she is working on. She tells a shambling old woman that she cannot extend her mortgage to impress her boss, and the woman swears vengeance. After a knock-down drag-out fight in the parking garage, including a bit where the woman’s dentures fall out and she tries to gum Christine’s face off, she snatches a button from Chris’s coat and puts the curse of the Lamia on her. The Lamia is a goat-shaped demon who tortures souls for three days before literally dragging them to hell. That’s the story. No, really. After that Chris is haunted by the old woman, who dies, and is also haunted by the Lamia. Though I almost drew the line at the bit where the woman appears and rams her arm down ol’ girl’s throat up to the elbow, I believe the sequence where the goat they brought in during a seance punched it over the edge for me. It bleats “YOU TRICKED ME, YOU WHO-O-O-ORE!” and bites someone at the table while he tries to kill the puppet. I mean goat. Bad effects, Sam Raimi. No cookie for you. The acting is top notch stupidity, and the action is as predictable as the lame ending. The ending is meant to be a twist, but the lack of real action up to that point that is saturated in weak dialogue fails to give Christine’s fate the shock value that it could have had. The only thing worse than a movie that has plenty of things to trash in it is a movie that is just BLAH.
Verdict: YAWN. It was marketed as a scary movie, but ended up trying to be Evil Dead 2. The difference? Alison Lohman is hot, but she’s not Bruce Campbell. If you see it in the $4.99 bin at Best Buy and really want to watch it, don’t waste your money. See if someone else will buy it for you. After you watch it, remember to shoot speed because you will need it to take that boring hour and a half out of your mind. Promptly drive down the interstate and throw it at a sign.