Bad Movies Beware!
I like anime. I like over-the-top movies. I have discovered that combining the two is a very BAD idea. Enter Tokyo Gore Police, a live-action anime that is truly over-the-top, knows what it is, and still fails to pull off being more than a random bloodfest of ridiculousness that is only intended to drop your IQ. It felt like this movie was 3 hours long, but it was only about an hour and a half. Sequences that were meant to be shocking and serious were laughable because of the sheer amount of blood and gore that they used BADLY in the shots. When I can tell it’s rubber, it’s bad. Ruka is a samurai sword-wielding police officer working for the now-privatized Tokyo Police Corporation. She watched her father get killed during an anti-privatization rally, and has sworn revenge by hunting mutants called “Engineers” that have the ability to turn injuries into weapons. Yes, they sprout knives, chainsaws, guns and even giant exacto-knives from their wounds. Her main target is the “Key Man,” who goes around turning people into Engineers. As though it wasn’t enough that a person would get a f^&#ing paper cut and spout a geyser of blood that would soak the entire room, one character actually gets his member bitten off and grows a six-foot Pecker-Rifle that kills people. I can’t make this stuff up. The final “Boss” actually has his legs cut off and uses the torrents of blood shooting from his legs to propel himself around the room like a jet pack. And he’s human!!! This movie is relentlessly gory, in case you haven’t figured it out, but what makes it worse is that it is gory to the point of being silly. I actually felt stupid watching it, and had to walk away from it a few times to regroup and regain some intelligence before moving on. The sexual repression of the Japanese is overly prevalent in the movie, and the characters are just as random as what passes for a weak plot in this pile of regurgitated kung-pow chicken.
Verdict: MAKE IT GO AWAY!! This movie sucks, even for what it is. I knew that there were cult flicks like this out there, but I didn’t really think that they were this bad. I would rather wear duct tape as a loin cloth, then have it viciously torn off with no hope of pain-killers in my future than watch this movie again.