Bad Movies Beware!
Video game movies are generally, by definition, bad. Onechanbara is no exception but with one fairly redeeming quality. This movie is the truest definition of entertaining crap that I have ever seen. Aya is a samurai who travels with an obese companion in search of her sister in a world overtaken by zombies. She chooses to wear a red leather bikini, and only reveals it when she is about to unleash utter badassery. She meets Reiko, a gun-wielding female nightmare who is also in search of Saki, and fights the undead. Reiko has a very clear advantage over the zombies since she entered in the infinite ammo code before they began shooting. No, really. She uses a sawed-off double-barreled shotgun, which should only hold two shots at a time, and she sprays rounds at groups of zombies as if it were an automatic handgun. Shots that should spray everywhere are landed with deadly precision, and she is hotter than the main character by a longshot. The swordplay is directly video game world, with flashes of light indicating the speed that Aya moves, and she is able to block bullets with her blade. Even though the flick is called Bikini Samurai Squad, Aya is the the only one dressed for fun in the sun. The story is weak, the characters are weak, and the zombies are…well, zombies. Kinda hard to f%$k that up.
Verdict: Rent it on someone else’s dollar. With a pointless storyline and a final battle ripped straight from a week’s worth of Dragonball Z, this movie is utterly ignorant. Great guy flick, but if anyone is looking for an intelligent take on a bikini-clad samurai gratuitously beheading zombies then I would highly recommend you rethink your position as a member of society. Might I suggest a lifetime of Magic: The Gathering played via webcam whilst living in Mom’s basement?