Bad Movies Beware!
It seems that my rut of half-way decent movies has come to a halt with all the grace of an uncooked egg hurled at a brick wall by a professional baseball player. This movie is a painful travesty pinched off into the toilet bowl of straight to home video horror movies. A group of young filmmakers are led to an abandoned prison by their professor to film a documentary on a government cover-up called Project Pandora where a mad scientist tried to extract the fear from soldiers. They used prisoners for the experiments. Ol’ doc, who took his acting technique directly from Kevin “Monotone Man” Costner, leads the hapless students (read “Meatbags”) into a prison to meet Tino’s(the driver) online friend, Monica. She’s a babe(of course), but all angles lead to her having everything to do with what is going on, even though she ends of getting a power drill to the face by Coombs. Coombs is the butterball nutjob stalking the place like Jason Voorhees on the Krispy Kreme diet searching for the a**hole that dared to sign him up for Jenny Craig. There is also background on two other prisoners, but they never show up. Bad acting, gratuitous boobies(not worth it. Mine are better.) and gore that is hidden due to lack of budget drop this one off like a bowel reaction to common Superbowl snacks. The story goes one way, the ending goes another, and the plot changes randomly. “Oh, she’s the killer!” “Oh, no she’s not!” “Oh, let’s lead the main characters in and kill them off systematically.” “Oh, let’s roll random fodder characters into the scene so we can just watch them die.” It’s as if the movie could not decide which direction to go, so it went everywhere.
Verdict: LIFE IN THE HOLE!! This movie was bad enough that it not only went straight to DVD, but Netflix actually has it buried so deep in the streaming that you have to hunt for it. I would rather hot-wax my armpits with epoxy glue than watch this waste of 85 minutes again. I actually felt dirty for watching it, but I did not want to shower for fear of dropping the soap in front of my XBOX, which hates me now for watching this circus.