Bad Movies Beware!
After a hiatus, I have had the opportunity (or maybe the punishment) to watch Prophecy, one of the movies I landed last year when I was given a box of movies by a relative. I have to say that this move was so bad that I had a headache while watching it. It looked somewhat promising from the cover, but the actual film was about as entertaining as diarrhea. The story opens with a search party chasing their dogs through the woods. Intense music, blah blah blah. One of the dogs heads over a cliff and his hung in the air by its harness. Two of the team members go down to rescue the mutt after it is snatched loose by something, and the third hears nothing but screams and tearing meat. So what does he decide to do? Why investigate, of course! He then becomes dinner for the monster. The tone quickly changes to a fight of environmentalists versus a logging company. The environmentalists, a husband a wife, join the Indians in the area to help investigate the logging company as well as strange animal mutations around the forest. The end result is a giant rubber bear mutant, a small animatronic bear cub mutant, bad acting and a plot point that we saw coming a mile away. Ya know what isn’t in the move Prophecy? ANYTHING ABOUT A F#*KING PROPHECY!!! That’s right! Nada! Zip! Nothin’! Instead, cum-by-yah! We want to hug tress and keep animals from mutating! The murders in the movie are laughable, the camp scene being the most hilarious when one of the campers jumps around in his yellow sleeping bag like a giant star man before the monster lays him against a rock. The movie even ends with a second monster sprouting up looking like something a 1st grader drew in art class complete with a button for an eye. Combined with acting that makes Kevin Costner look like Best Actor material and the classic 70’s love for French horns in horror movies and you’ve got yourself a relentless train wreck that bores in most areas and is ignorant in others.
VERDICT: VANQUISH!!! This movie was the reason why none of the actors had much of a career in the years following, yet it somehow grossed $54 million. This movie was so bad that I considered using it to show theater majors what not to do when they go out looking for work. If given the choice, I would rather bob for apples in a bucket of ammonia than watch this nightmare again. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go bury this movie in the back yard next to the mutated squirrel I ran over three weeks ago.