Fail-Flix

Bad Movies Beware!

Return to Sleepaway Camp-Camp Crappymovie

I had never seen the Sleepaway Camp series before this for two reasons: A)It was billed as a Friday the 13th wannabe. B) Good luck trying to find it, as it is rare.

After receiving a text from Steve, I sat down to watch Return to Sleepaway Camp since it had two of the original cast in it.

I should have known that I was in for some utter poop when the theme song started(Sleepaway Camp, performed by the greasy step-siblings of the Red Hot Chili Peppers).

Enter Alan, that token fat kid we all went to school with who was totally devoid of social skills and smelled like hot garbage due to his refusal to change his clothes or bathe regularly in a manner that involved actually using soap.

Naturally, Alan gets picked on by everyone. We’re supposed to feel sorry for the kid, but he’s loud and obnoxious. Generally, he instigates his confrontations.

 In other words, our hero brings on a lot of his own bulls**t.

 He also has a thing for the hottest girl at Camp Manabe.

 Yeah, you can imagine how that goes.

 She’s nice and all, but her friends easily pressure her into luring Alan into traps so that they can torture him. A police officer is in and out, but has to use a vocal vibrator to speak due to throat cancer.

Ronnie, played by the original actor Paul DeAngelo, returns as head counselor. Of course, things begin to happen around Camp Manabe, people start dying, and he suspects that Angela has returned.

Angela was the original killer from the first movie. The death sequences are creative and over the top, but they are overshadowed by the rest of this ass-fest. Paul DeAngelo is legendary in the B-horror genre, but that does not mean his porn-style acting is entertaining to watch.

In fact, the storyline and acting is more reminiscent of a Disney Channel Original Movie gone horribly wrong and filled to the brim with over-the-top blood and gore. At least some nudity would have offset the fact that the original director thought he could bring the series back to life with what he learned from the two God-awful sequels.

The story, also written by the director, goes in so many directions it’s less like a movie and more like random webisodes strung together into a haphazard Nickelodeon’s Salute Your Shorts Halloween Special starring a sadistic maniac who likes to deep fry people’s heads, blow them up with gasoline, castrate them with a Jeep(don’t ask) and set up elaborate traps that would make Wyle E. Coyote scratch his noggin.

I have to wonder how the killer managed to construct a bunk bed with spikes in such a short time frame, or knew EXACTLY when and in what direction a victim would drive off and into a razor-wire trap strung across the road.

If Porky Pig had come out during the ending sequence where Felissa Rose was trying to recreate her horrific face from the first movie and said “B-de,b-de,b-de-That’s All, Folks!” I would not have been surprised in the slightest.

VERDICT: OUTHOUSE FIRE!

This movie was actually less of a chore to watch than Evita, but more entertaining to watch than drying paint.

 Not by much.

 I’ve seen bad slasher flicks, but this one took the cake and laid a massive Cleveland Steamer right on top of it.

I was told that the original was fairly good, and I was expecting more from this one since it had the same guy behind the helm.

What I ended up watching was the equivalent of going to the porta-john at a community event and finding out the hard way that it is full, you just added to the problem, and you have no toilet paper.

 Some movies are fun to watch, even when they’re bad.

 Watching this movie was like staring at a motion photo of skin tags on a ferret.

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This entry was posted on January 2, 2012 by in Cheesy Slasher Flix.
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