Bad Movies Beware!

Leprechaun: The dog turd in the clover patch

Onward to movie number 2 in the infamous four-pack I got from the in-laws this Christmas. Leprechaun is, without a doubt, one of the worst excuses for a horror/comedy I have seen since Thelma and Louise. Evil Dead 2: epic! Beetlejuice: Epic! And my thought was that, with a young and uber-fine Jennifer Aniston running around in shorts, this movie could not all that bad. Top it off with Warwick “I played Willow” Davis, and it could have been at least entertaining. WRONG! It felt more like I was having my colon cleansed with dry Lucky Charms.
Warwick Davis plays the Leprechaun, which you can feel free to read “Close family relative to that mean little door greeter at Walmart.” His gold is stolen by an Irishman who ends up locking the little booger up for ten years under the spell of a four-leaf clover. Tori(Jennifer Aniston) moves in with her dad, and one of the painters unwittingly unleashes the ankle-biter from hell. The Leprechaun goes on a murderous rampage searching for his stolen pot of gold. Oh, get your fingers off your temples. I’m not done yet. Tori, Nathan and his brother Alex, and Ozzy(not Osbourne) are trapped in the house by the homicidal Leprechaun. They soon figure out that a four leaf clover can kill him, and after about a half-hour of Loony-Toons shenanigans they off the little guy. The end. Thank God. The make-up on the Leprechaun hid Warwick’s “I’m-desperate-for-work” expression quite well, and Jennifer Aniston was very much Rachel from Friends. I watched this drivel praying that it would end, but it dragged out longer than the second Pirates movie. The scenes that were supposed to be humorous came off as blatantly stupid as if the writers were too busy telling inside jokes in the script rather than writing jokes anyone would get. Of course, where would be be without the famous line: “F%&k you, Lucky Charms!”? Makes me wonder how much General Mills paid for that little piece of advertising.
VERDICT: Set it on fire!!! This movie deserves a spot in the archives of films we want to forget right next to Battlefield Earth and anything made by Uwe Boll. The acting was decent given the writing, the effects were good, but the movie was a floater in the public swimming pool. Any movie that makes my head hurt because of the lame attempts at humor and horror, a thing that cannot be pulled off easily, needs to be banned from existence and the people who were involved need their memories of the film wiped. It actually spawned several sequels, all of which can be bought in a pack inside the port-a-john at the end of the brown rainbow. I would rather have a red balloon inflated inside my bowels while being pummeled with shooting stars, and at the same time be kicked in my blue diamonds by a mutant rabbit’s luck foot while he stuffs green clovers in my nose and beats me in the face with purple horse shoes than watch this crap again.


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This entry was posted on January 28, 2012 by in Uncategorized.
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