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Bad Movies Beware!

Succubus: Hell-Bent: Well, the "Suck" Part is Right

Another for the vault(read “Dumpster”). So there’s a Horror-Con coming up soon called “Mad Monster Party,” and none other than Gary Busey himself will be there signing autographs! Since it’s been a while since I’ve seen a Busey flick, I decided to give Succubus: Hell-Bent a try since he supposedly stars in the movie. The girl on the cover also helped the decision.

 Yeah, I know: “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” But let’s face it…I’m a sucker for goth chicks.

Adam and his friend Jason head off to Cancun for a weekend of sun, fun, and sex. They’re goal: sleep with as many girls as possible. Winner take all. Jason is up to five by day two, and Adam is only slightly behind until he meets Lilith. Lilith is the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on(guess he’s never gotten a good look at Milla Kunis, Melissa George, or Rachel Hurd-Wood), and discovers quickly that she is strong, dark, and sexually vicious. He sleeps with her, drops the “I love you” bomb to get more, then bails while she is asleep. Back in L.A., he meets up with his girlfriend Heather, who is not happy that he is covered in scratches and bites from his tryst with Lilith. Heather leaves, and Adam calls Jason to set up a party. The bash is in full swing, and Adam is about to have a threesome when Lilith shows up and has another round of sex with him(looks more like rape). When Heather shows back up and talks her way into Adam’s bed(see a pattern yet?) Lilith is not happy, and kills Heather in the pool while Adam sleeps. The police blame him, and set him free after his very rich and powerful father makes the right phone calls.

 Adam and Jason go over the video Adam took of himself sleeping with Lilith and find a frame in which she turns into a demon. They decide to deal with it by going to the bar to get drunk and pick up women. Adam thinks he sees Lilith, but Jason meets up with her for real in the bathroom where she turns his head completely around, killing him. Adam, after finding his friend, goes home to try and talk to his Dad.

Wait…massive police presence, ambulance, yadda-yadda when Heather dies. Not one government employee when Jason dies. So what? You just go to the bar, your best friend gets his head ripped off, and you handle it like your puppy got kicked?

 Jesus.

 Anyway, Pops blows Adam off, so ol’ lover boy decides to call Sentinel, a local Demon Hunter. NOW we see Gary Busey, the salty Sentinel who hunts all forms of supernatural being. He gives Adam a scroll and a box of goodies to lure Lilith, who Adam has now figured out is a Succubus, into his house so he can kill her. Sentinel then gets back into his pickup and speeds off. Yes. Gary Busey was in this movie for ONE MINUTE. Adam summons Lilith, and the last five or ten minutes of the movie are spent watching him prowl around the house while Lilith taunts him and runs by the camera. They fight for all of two seconds, and he stabs her with his old sword from military school. End of Lilith. Adam gets arrested for killing an innocent young goth girl in his home. End of Adam. Lilith wakes up in the back of the coroner’s truck while a necrophiliac driver gropes her. End of necrophiliac. End of movie.

 End of misery. 
VERDICT: SEND IT BACK TO HELL

 So, apparently the Director/Writer Kim Bass didn’t take into account that some of her audience might be looking for some semblance of a plotline. She must also have been burned by a yuppie rich boy in college because the only thing the males in the movie do is either think about sex, talk about sex, or have extreme amounts of sex with girls who do not have the brains God gave a beer can. Plus, she managed to pull off all of the sex with virtually NO nudity(you see a quick shot of one of Lilith’s nipples. That’s it. Might as well have been a dude because the ones she’s rockin’ on the cover are photoshop specials).

 And when I say that the college girl characters are stupid I mean that in the most literal and forward way that I can. Watching Adam and his “Wing-Man” Jason hit on girls is about like watching two blind monkeys f**k a football. And the girls eat it up and end up in bed with these two stooges. The acting is worse than Brain Twisters with a hint of Battlefield Earth thrown in. The effects are decent since it’s all camera tricks, but the end result is just lame. If I watch a movie about a Succubus, I expect nudity, blood, and a lot of disturbing demonic imagery. I got less nudity than one might see in a Victoria’s Secret catalog, a smidgen of blood, and the disturbing image of David Keith in bed with Yvonne Maverick.

 I would rather roll in the urine of a female gorilla and then be locked inside a cage full of males with ADHD(ooh-ooh HORNY! Ooh-ooh SQUIRREL! AYIIIIEEE!!) than watch this travesty again.

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This entry was posted on February 18, 2013 by in boobies, Dark, gory, Monster Fails, poo, stupidity, Supernatural Silliness, transparent, What the Hell?.
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