Fail-Flix

Bad Movies Beware!

Feeding Grounds-This One Gave Me Food Poison

Yet another from the endless collection of utter nonsense that Netflix likes to call their award-winning instant content for those who prefer streaming to discs in the mail. Yeah, it’s another indie flick. Yeah, it’s bad.

 The director tried going more for the characters rather than the scares, much like the movie YellowBrickRoad. Unlike YellowBrickRoad, which was masterful and shocking, Feeding Grounds is boring at best. It was more like watching what not to do/say when on a road trip with a hot girl and you actually WANT to get laid.

The movie opens with a hobo waiting by a black SUV at a gas station. A gorgeous young girl walks up, and he asks her for a ride. Her girlfriend shows up with a knife and shoos him away. Yeah, THAT kind of girlfriend. Already off to a great start, right?! These two drive off into the desert, have some fun in the sand(Yup, I’m digging this movie so far), and then drive off to their planned destination. They both soon become agitated and violently ill. In a brief moment they pull over, one takes off into the desert, and the other is taken inside the car by…the hobo…how the?! Anywho, scene change to the driveway of a hippie and his three former band buddies. Four girls show up in a red car, and they all take off for a weekend of fun in a remote cabin in the desert. On the way we see aggression between two of the guys in the car, and we don’t find out until HALF WAY THROUGH THE FRIGGIN MOVIE that the band caved in on themselves and split because of artistic/personality differences and money.

For the next half an hour we get a montage of these people hanging out in random parts of the desert as they continuously stop on their way to the cabin to view the scenery. On one of their stops they find the bloody remains of the two girls from the opening and flip out. Soon the group begins to deteriorate into madness and sickness, each disappearing one at a time as they accuse each other of murder, dishonesty, and thievery.

 Who the hell wrote this?  Disney?!


Only one of them stays normal, and she explains that the creature on the loose has not taken her because it knows that she is one of them. Like the hobo, this plot point goes no where. Finally, in the final two minutes of the movie, we see the hand of the monster as it prepares to face off with uber-chick. Flash to daytime. A police officer radios in on two abandoned vehicles in the desert. He finds uber-girl in a giant pile of poo asking him if he has anything to drink. The end. Really. That’s it, that’s the whole movie. Nope, not shorting you. It. Done. Fini.

 VERDICT: DELETE. 

 This movie is a solid evidence that your mom does not always have the most objective opinion when it comes to your art. Let’s face facts, kids: if you finger-paint a rainbow in dog diarrhea and highlight it with toe fungus mommy is going to tell you it is beautiful and hang it up on the fridge(then toss it while you are at school). That is, essentially, what this movie is. It’s an hour and twenty-one minutes of poo art spattered onto film for all to see. As if the House that Screamed wasn’t bad enough! Do these people actually WATCH indie flicks? It would help! That way they’d know what NOT to do. Do NOT make a horror flick that is a character study without using characters with substance. Stephano the Stoner is not a deep character. Find people who know how to act. EVEN BETTER: find a writer who knows how to write a cohesive plot that makes sense to people older than 13! Got an original idea, here. It’s a whopper. If you’re gonna make an indie horror flick, MAKE IT SCARY.

I’d rather watch two straight hours of Honey-Boo-Boo footage with my eyes taped open while someone wails on my groin with a mace and a circus midget gnaws on my ankles than watch this movie again.

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This entry was posted on February 27, 2013 by in Dark, gory, Monster Fails, science fiction.
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