Bad Movies Beware!

Evil Remains-Oblivious

This looked somewhat promising.  Hot girls on the cover, a haunted house with a gory and tragic past, and a plotline that is fleshed enough to get the idiots…I mean coeds to the house, but thin enough to kill them off in horrifically violent and senseless ways.

God, I love horror flicks!
But what did I get?  Tresspassing.  Okay, so the title of the movie in the opening credits is different from the title on the cover.  (Double-checks).  
Yep.  I’m in for another monkey turd.  ONWARD!
Mark wraps up a rather interesting interview with Dr. Rosen (Kurtwood Smith) and meets up with his friends Eric, Kristy, and Kristy’s girlfriend Sharon.  His brother Tyler is also along for the ride as they take a trip out to the old Bryce house to film and try to document ghosts and other supernatural phenomena for Mark’s final thesis.
Okay, so it’s a haunted house movie.  Just like I thought.
Soon strange things begin to happen.  By soon, I mean a good half-hour into the movie.  Otherwise, this awkward stain just DRAAAAAAAAGS on about Mark’s angst over his thesis, Eric’s obnoxious behavior, and Kristy and Sharon being lesbians.
Oh, and Carol Bryce killed his parents in the house.  
Soon we get to Tyler in the basement setting up his camera.  We hear Eric get into a struggle in the kitchen above, and Tyler goes to check it out, accusing Mark of beating the crap out of Eric when they can’t find him.  
The walls in the house begin to bleed profusely, and Mark and Tyler go to the attic to investigate and discover Eric’s body bleeding out into the wall joints.  
Meanwhile Sharon and Kristy have been on a nature walk talking about their feelings when they discover that the woods are loaded with bear and rabbit traps.  Sharon snags her heal in one and has trouble walking.  The make their way back to the house, and spring a trap in the front yard.
In the attic, Tyler walks right into a giant bear trap that crushes him to death, and he bleeds out as Mark panics.  A masked maniac emerges from the shadows and chases Mark down into the house.  He runs out the front door to see Sharon and Kristy approaching, but is yanked back inside and butchered.
Kristy and Sharon run away, but fall into a pit and end up in a dirty sanctum of sorts in the basement of the house.  Carl Bryce enters wearing his dog mask, and Kristy ambushes him.  She and Sharon flee, but Carl finds them in the woods and kills Sharon.  
Kristy runs into a shack where a mechanic is working, but Carl shows up and offs the mechanic.  Kristy is able to escape and run across the road.  Carl is after her, but he is crushed by an eighteen-wheeler.
In the next scene a pretty blonde grad student is interviewing Dr. Rosen about the Bryce house and Kristy.  He claims that the house is not haunted, and that Kristy did not kill her friends, but the student disagrees.
VERDICT: Confusticated.
Okay, so the whole movie is centered around the house being haunted, but there is a serial killer?  You had one job, Mr. Writer/Director.  ONE.  
So let me make sure I’ve got this right: You wanted to shoot a scary haunted house movie, but then you decided mid-shoot that you wanted it to be a slasher flick?  Who told you this was a good idea?  Your mom?
The acting is good, I’ll give it that much.  And the suspense is very Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  The problem is, I was so geared up for a haunted house flick.  Not complaining, but you’re killing me here.
The dog mask was cool, tho.
Really and truly, it wasn’t horrible.  The plot was a little random, and it dragged out like bad case of the turds after a night of drinking.
That being said, it was still a chore to watch.  The pacing, as I said, makes this movie about as appealing as the idea of licking a sweaty fat man under his moobs.  Once the action picks up it gets interesting, but the rest of it is about as nail-biting as Sense and Sensibility.

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This entry was posted on July 17, 2013 by in Cheesy Slasher Flix, Dark, gory.
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