Fail-Flix

Bad Movies Beware!

Silent Night, Deadly Night-Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wants a Bloodbath for Christmas?

Wow, that’s a bad pic.  Sadly, it’s the best one I could find.  This one was is the original banned cover for this movie.  Parents took real issue with Santa going down the chimney carrying an ax.  What if he was just chopping fire wood?  Or maybe he was cosplaying as Paul Bunyan.

Haters.
Silent Night, Deadly Night peaked my curiosity for years as a kid, but also scared the hell out of me because of the idea that Santa would be coming into my house Christmas Eve for more than just dropping off presents.  I was too young to rent it, and it became too obscure to find by the time I was old enough to indulge.  
A 5-year-old-Billy is on his way to the old folks home with his parents for a Christmas visit with Grandpa.  His baby brother, Ricky, is also along for the ride.  Grandpa is a vegetable, and simply stares off into space.  Billy’s parents leave him alone with Grandpa to go and sign some paperwork.
Wha…?
That’s a great f**kin’ idea!  Let’s leave the toddle alone with the lump!  Nothing EVER went wrong with a decision like that(This message brought to you by “Sarcasm!”  Making the dumb feel dumber since the dawn of man!)!  
Grandpa suddenly becomes lucid and goofy, giggling at Billy and telling him that Santa brings presents to good little children and severely punishes the naughty(implying he murders them.  Oh, that wacky Grandpa!).
Meanwhile a robber dressed as Santa Claus guns down a store clerk during a robbery.  He escapes, and drives off into the night.
Billy’s family happens upon the Killer Santa, and stop despite Billy’s warnings that Santa is after him.  The Santa kills Billy’s dad and mom while Billy watches from the trees.
Skip forward 3 years, and we find Billy and Ricky in an orphanage run by the nuns and a harsh Mother Superior.  Billy is reprimanded for drawing Santa with a bloody knife and a decapitated reindeer(I thought the drawing was cool, myself).  He is also punished by Mother Superior after witnessing two of the older kids having sex.  
Well, it’s not like he has a Playboy subscription, people!
The next morning Santa Claus shows up.  Billy goes absolutely bat guano and punches St. Nick in the face.  Mother Superior finds him cowering in his room pleading for forgiveness for being naughty.  
Ten years later an 18-year-old Billy lands a job at a toy store thanks to Sister Margaret, the only nun at the orphanage sympathetic to his fear of Santa.  As the Christmas season approaches Billy becomes more antsy, especially when Santa appears at the store to take photos with the kids.
The next day the Santa calls out sick, and Billy is made to wear the outfit.  He threatens the children that misbehave by saying that he punishes naughty children, which frightens them into submission.  
That night Billy gets drunk and wanders into the warehouse where he sees Pamela, a clerk he is taken with, and finds her being raped by the stock room supervisor.  Billy screams “NAUGHTY!” at the top of his lungs and kills the both of them, then kills off the store manager and assistant manager as well before heading out into the night.

So far we have a body count of 4.  Average for an 80’s slasher flick, so we’re off to a good start.
And three scenes of gratuitous boobies.  Yup.  It’s the 80’s.
Enter Sister Margaret, now older and wiser but still under the thumb of Mother Superior.  She catches wind of Billy being dressed as Santa and knows what’s coming.  She arrives too late, and finds the massacre at the toy store.
Scene change to two teens getting ready to have sex on a pool table(like I said, it’s the 80’s).  Now, outside of setting up for what’s next, these two horn-dogs have NOTHING to do with the plot.  ZERO.  So watching Billy get creative actually gets a bit fun.
Billy hangs Denise from the antlers of a deer head, and her boyfriend gets tossed out a window.  Denise’s little sister wanders in, oblivious to the carnage, and thinks Billy is Santa.  It’s a tense moment when Billy asks if she’s been good or naughty.  She assures him that she’s been good, and he gives her the box cutter he used on Pamela in the store and leaves.  
In the next scene, two bullies steal sleds from two younger kids and proceed to sled down the hill.  The first one makes it, but the second one is attacked after Billy’s trademark “NAUGHTY!!”  He rides down the hill headless with his head bounding behind him.
Sister Margaret and the sheriff figure out that Billy is on his way back to the orphanage.  An officer is dispatched and sees a Santa approaching.  He guns down the Santa only to find out that it is the old deaf priest that helps the nuns at the home.  
Billy shows up and takes out the officer.  He gets into the orphanage and goes after the wheelchaired Mother Superior shouting “NAUGHTY!” when he is shot several times in the back by the sheriff.  Billy dies, whispering that they are all safe now.  Billy’s brother, Ricky, glares at Mother Superior and mutters “Naughty.”
VERDICT: Eh.  I’ll take it.
Okay, so this movie was panned by critics and parents alike for the obvious: Santa kills people, particularly people having sex.  It was banned in numerous countries, and even banned in cities here in the the U.S.  In reality it’s campy with a thin storyline that isn’t much more than an excuse to get Billy to start killing.
And boobies.  Four scenes with boobies.  Ah, the 80’s.
The truth is, this movie isn’t really as bad as it’s hyped up to be.  Okay, yeah, it’s got it’s shortcomings.  The only actor in the movie worth a damn is the guy playing Billy.  He conveys Billy’s fear of Santa and his plummet into insanity very well, and he doesn’t over-do it.  
The other characters in the movie who play his victims are there for no reason other than meatbags for Billy to hack up.  They offer no value to the story whatsoever beyond the toy store, and even those characters are debatable.

The setup is a little boring in the beginning, and I found Billy to be a little whiny even for a 5-year-old.  The grandpa was out there and way overdone, but it was humorous because I would totally do that to my grandkids as a goof.

Yeah, I know.  I’m an a**hole.
All in all, I’d watch it again.  I’d even say give it a look if you’re that curious.  It’s hardcore 80’s slasher fun for the whole family!  Okay, maybe not the WHOLE family.  I’d probably send granny into the next room, but it’s never too late to completely destroy your kids’ mental stability.  Cheers!
  
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This entry was posted on December 18, 2013 by in Cheesy Slasher Flix.
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