Bad Movies Beware!

Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead-From the Diuretic Bowels of Hell…

What the absolute f**k did I just watch?
It takes a lot to make me uncomfortable, and this movie achieved it.  I mean, I get it.  It’s live-action anime’.  It’s supposed to be silly, and it’s gross as hell since it’s also a Japanese Gore Flick.  I mean, look at Tokyo Gore Police for example.
That movie was also retarded.
What kills me is that these movies are supposed to be funny.  I mean, I guess since I’m not Japanese and not immersed in the pop culture over there that maybe I just don’t GET the humor.  I’m open to that idea entirely. But I also like the occasional s**t joke.  Who doesn’t?
The storyline is thin, that being a complement, so I’ll do my best.  
Megumi and her friends are traveling away on a weekend excursion to find a parasite for Maki to eat so that she can stay thin and try to boost her nonexistent modeling career.  Aya, her boyfriend Take, and their goofy nerd pal Naoi, are along for the ride.  
As it turns out, Megumi’s sister was tormented in school for farting, and ended up killing herself over it.  Meg is still having issues with it.  The group ends up catching a fish in the stream out in the woods.  Naoi cuts it open and finds a worm about a foot long inside.  Maki promptly grabs it and swallows it.
Bear with me, it only goes downhill from here.
Maki runs off to a nearby outhouse and tries to take a dump when a zombie emerges from the s**t pool underneath and grabs her naked a$$.  She runs out to the others, and is chased by a horde of zombies covered in poop.
They are attacked by a zombie who bites off Take’s finger.  They run as more approach, and Maki suddenly falls ill and begins to fart massive yellow clouds of gas.  She is overtaken by the zombies, and the group flees to a small shack they find in the woods where they are saved by a doctor.  He shoots a zombie, and we discover that they do not bleed.  There are no organs.

They are literally full of s**t.
Doc Tanaka lives alone with his daughter, and offers shelter to the group from the zombie horde.  He feeds them a pasta dinner served up by his daughter, Ko.  Tanaka explains that the zombies are being controlled by a parasite and that they can transmit it through bites.  Take succumbs to his injury, farting explosively and nonstop as his head begins to buldge.

As it turns out, the parasites react violently to drugs, and Take’s head explodes from the pressure.  Later on the others begin to feel cramps, and Megumi happens upon Ko and Tanaka in a closed room while on her way to the toilet.  Tanaka feeds a six-foot long parasite to Ko, then gives her an anti-parasite drug that makes her poop out the old dead one.

They see her, and Tanaka confesses that he is farming the zombies to keep Ko alive.  The pasta was filled with parasite eggs, though Megumi had refrained from eating.  She escapes with Aya and Naoi, but realizes that she needs to serum and leaves them to fend off a horde of zombies.

Before the fight goes much further, the zombies all bend over double and parasite heads pop out of their brown-eyes.  As if this isn’t enough, they attack butt-first.

What in the name of all that is holy…
Ko and Megumi show down, and Megumi knocks her out.  Naoi sacrifices himself to save Megumi as he succumbs to the parasite and takes Tanaka with him.  Aya meets up with Maki, who is bent over double with a worm sticking out of her tucous.  Maki happens to be carrying the queen, and attacks Aya with multiple tentacles.
Megumi arrives in time, and Aya begs to be killed before she transforms.  Megumi finds Tanaka’s gun and shoots Aya in the face and Maki several times in the face.  Aya dies, but Maki is far from dead and transforms into a horrific monster…filled with s**t.  
They take the battle to the air, the monster flying with wings while Megumi uses a gigantic never-ending fart to propel herself around.  Megumi ultimately wins, and stumbles back to the car to find a zombie-fied Tanaka waiting on her.  She ends the film with a jump kick to his head.
Oh, Lord Jesus, it’s the END!!  THANK GOD!!
I make a lot of s**t jokes, but I never thought I’d watch an entire movie that is intended to be one large s**t joke.  It failed miserably.  
It’s not a s**t joke, it’s just s**t.
The acting, believe it or not, is superb.  The Japanese take film and performing arts of every kind VERY seriously.  Even people who do voice work for anime are held in very high esteem.  
The movie itself on the other hand…let’s face facts: I knew what I was getting in to.  Zombie Ass is not the kind of title one would see at the Oscars.  It’s a live-action anime, so it’s going to be over the top.  But, it’s still a bad one.  The story is weak with really no background on the characters.  Megumi, as it turns out, has always had a parasite that she keeps under control.  We find this out DURING THE FINAL BATTLE.
The effects are also…well, s**tty.  They went a bit on the cheap for a lot of it, and some of the zombies actually had personality and spoke.  
Bottom line: this movie is a boil on the a$$ of the industry, with none other than Troll 2 still being the only movie that tops the pure mountain of s**t.
I can’t really come up with any s**t jokes, which kills me since I just watched an entire movie about farting and zombies that bleed s**t.  It’s actually been a challenge for me to write this review.  
I know this, however: I would rather eat an entire bag of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummy Bears in a room filled with fart-flavored incense while resting my bare a$$ in a mound of dirt full of mutant fire ants with schizophrenic rage issues than watch this movie again.  


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This entry was posted on January 18, 2014 by in gory, nonsense, overblown, poo, stupidity, What the Hell?.
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