Fail-Flix

Bad Movies Beware!

The Amazing Transparent Man: More Like the Lackluster Invisible Gimp

While this wasn’t as boring as The Ape Man, it certainly had its yawn moments.

Let’s backtrack a little here.  Once again, this movie hails from the collection I got from the in-laws(also two of my group of original fans).  Yep.  Another from The Best of the Worst.  

And yet it still isn’t as bad as The Star Wars Holiday Special.

The 1950’s and 60’s still had their own independent low-budget flicks, though they still managed to crank out memorable movies like…well there’s… I mean, just look at…

Ah, shaddap.

Joey Faust breaks out of prison in the middle of the night and is picked up by a strange woman in a convertible.  Laura is assistant to “The Major,” who has plans for Faust.  When they arrive at the house, they are greeted by Julian and Major Krenner.

Faust is aggressive and paranoid, constantly threatening to do harm to the Major and his crew.  Krenner takes it all in stride and takes him upstairs to reveal the plans.

Krenner plans to take over the world using an army of invisible soldiers.  He has kidnapped a brilliant scientist, Dr. Ulof, and has locked away the doctor’s daughter in order to keep him working on the experiments.

Not kidding.  Wants to conquer the world.  Maniacal laugh optional.  

Faust watches as they turn a guinea pig invisible and is astonished when he is able to pet the creature even though he can’t see it.  His role is to steal whatever Ulof needs to continue the Major’s plan. 

Faust is next under the ray and soon attacks the Major and demands more money.  He wants the ridiculously high sum of $25,000 to do the job.

Yeah, I know.  But consider the time period.

Faust steals a small metal container from a lab nearby, though the script doesn’t really go into detail as to what it is, exactly.  Something to do with nuclear something or other.  When he returns he tries to convince Laura to join him and double-cross the Major.  Julian interrupts and knocks Faust out cold.

The next day Faust is given the new assignment of robbing a bank…in broad daylight.  He and Laura set out while Ulof pulls the Major aside to speak to him privately.  The guinea pig has died from radiation poisoning, and he explains that Faust does not have long.

The bank heist is going well when Faust begins to randomly go between visible and invisible.  He holds the bank up and makes his escape in Laura’s car.  He tells her to drive back to the house so he can confront Krenner and Ulof and find out what is going on.

Yes, the movie is actually already almost over.

Faust and Laura make it back to the house, but the Major is waiting for them.  He shoots and kills Laura after she frees Dr. Ulof and his daughter, and Faust goes after him.  They fight in the lab, and the equipment is turned on and overloaded.  

As they struggle, the realization comes that the house is about to be destroyed.  Major Krenner begins to scream like a b***h as Faust holds him down.

No, really.  Like a b***h.

The house explodes like an atomic bomb.  The next day we see that Ulof has joined two police officers at the site.  The sheriff tells him that a good bit of the county was taken out in the explosion.  Ulof contemplates the decisions of an invisible man, then turns to the camera and asks the viewer what they would do.

Credits.  58 minutes later.  Really?

VERDICT: A fart in the wind.

Not that I’m complaining that I didn’t have to spend a solid three hours in horrendous boredom (lookin’ at YOU, Supernova), but it goes by quickly.  Still, considering the material, any longer would’ve been about like trying to eat a frozen jawbreaker.

The acting is the typical 1960’s over-the-top, though I tend to like that style from time to time because it kept the fourth wall pretty well intact.  Then Ulof, among other characters in other films, has to go and kick the fourth wall down Godzilla attacking the city.  

The directors at the time thought that this was an ingenious way to pull the audience in.  News flash, anus-waffles: if you feel the need to do this at the end of your movie then you already know that the film isn’t engaging to begin with.

No bones about it, this movie was boring.  The action was almost too fast and often without a whole lot of explanation.  Faust is supposed to be the anti-hero, the bad guy with a heart.  Instead, he’s a creep and a thug.  You mean to tell me, Sir Writer/Director, that I’m supposed to relate to this a**tard whose sleazy persona is only matched by the gay dude trying to take over the world?



No, seriously.  The Major should’ve just saved the headache and made out with Faust.  The character was obviously into him.  I don’t know if that was intentional or what, but I could SO see Chris Kattan playing Major Krenner in the reboot.

The story is weak, which is unfortunate since it had real potential.  The problem goes back to time, really.  To flesh out the story and make it the character study it hinted at being, the film would’ve had to go on for another hour at least.  But, as any indie filmmaker will tell you, time is money, and budgets are tight.

Once again, like The Ape Man, not a HORRIBLE movie, but not a great one either.  I’d watch it again, but it would take a few beers.  Maybe a few more beers.

Where did I put that keg again?




   




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This entry was posted on April 18, 2014 by in amazing, asstard, mad scientist, nonsense, overblown, transparent.
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