Slaughtered: Blood Lager On Tap
Back head first into the collections I got over the Christmas holiday! Moving on from The Best of the Worst collection I dove into another one called Midnight Horror, which seems like it is actually a series of collections containing 8 movies apiece.
What’s funny is that this came shrink-wrapped in a two-pack with another DVD collection…both of them with HalloweenH20. One would think that the people organizing these collection packs would pay better attention.
Or not to pack it while drunk.
Slaughtered is another digital camera flick, but it can be hard to tell at times because it’s actually shot and edited pretty well. The audio needs work, but I’ll get into that at the verdict.
An after-hours Pub in Australia is home to a young group of workers who linger after closing to wind down before heading back to the house for a good morning’s sleep. An old patron comes out from the back, having passed out in the bathroom hours before, and is escorted out by the manager after he hits on the girls.
In the parking lot, the patron is slashed up by an unseen attacker. No real reason, but considering the whole “serial-killer” idea behind the plot description on the back of the DVD case, I’m game.
Let’s meat…err…MEET our characters. We have Jamie (Token good-girl), Kirsty (lone wolf and weird one), Sarah (Jamie’s best friend), Jack the Pub Manager, and two other male roles that don’t really get much attention. I’ll refer to them as New Guy and Full-Timer.
Not that I didn’t pay attention to the movie, but the audio is what it is and the dialogue tended to be REALLY subdued.
Anywho, the next night everyone shows up to work just like normal, with the exception of Jamie and Sarah. They catch a ride with Sarah’s douche boyfriend, Luke, and end up on the side of the road with car trouble.
They decide to ditch Luke and hitch a ride with a sweaty old man who likes to shoot pigs and make rape-face at young girls. I mean, makes total sense, right? I know if I were a young girl I would TOTALLY trust an old man with a perspiration problem and rape-face to give me a lift to work.
They arrive, and Jack expresses his worry over Jamie’s lateness. Turns out that they are working on being an item. Sarah and Full-Timer are also trying to hook up, while Kirsty chooses to keep to herself.
Rape-Face also decides to come in for a drink, thus making the viewer begin to draw suspicions.
While Full-Timer starts training New Guy, patrons start arriving in for their nightly drunk. The group knows ALL of them, and the customers never come and go. They show up, drink, and stay until they pass out on the tables.
During the montage of “Just Another Night at the Pub,” Jack and Full-Timer start finding that someone is killing off patrons and leaving them in different parts of the basement. This is where it finally starts getting a little interesting, as we see weirdness ensue. One scene that stuck with me is where the killer hooks up a body to the beer tap, and the girls end up almost serving a pint of blood.
Jack decides that the best thing he and Full-Timer can do is lock the place down, call the cops, and keep it quiet. As the night drags on it becomes painfully obvious that the cops aren’t coming, and the girls are starting to get nervous as they are unaware of what is going on.
Okay, so the beer tap pouring blood didn’t absolutely trip them out? What the…?
Sarah and Full-Timer go down to the basement and end up making out in the cooler before the killer appears. He kills Full-Timer, and chases Sarah down into the dumbwaiter. She manages to escape and ends up underneath the back bar where Kirsty is working.
Kirsty panics, and Sarah is lowered back down again by the killer. When the dumbwaiter comes back up to Kirsty it is covered in blood spatter.
In the basement Sarah is pinned to the wall with a spout sticking out of her chest. The killer approaches, and we see that it is a masked man in a rain coat (shockingly original). The mask has chunks of glass sticking out of it. He does some pretty gnarly stuff to Sarah before the scene switches back to the bar.
Jamie is trying to console Kirsty when Jack and New Guy round the corner. Jack tells Jamie to take Kirsty to the bathroom to clean up.
Kirsty is in the stall when the killer shoves a patron into the stall next door and kills them. He then comes into Kirsty’s stall and dispatches her. Jamie walks in, sees Kirsty’s body and screams right before she slips and cracks her head on the sink.
The next twenty minutes or so of the movie is Jamie running from the killer and getting screwed by the one patron who seems to know what the hell is going on. She manages to escape the pub and run off into the night, and we see who the killer is.
Nope. Not gonna tell ya.
This movie is not really all that bad. This isn’t to say that it doesn’t have some MAJOR issues. The camera work is good for what it is, and the gore effects are a nice breath of fresh air in an industry that seems to think that all special effects should be done on a computer no matter what.
The story is slight, but it’s a slasher-flick, so you have to look past the fact that almost every line is nothing more than a way to steer the characters in the proper direction to either whine or get hacked up.
On to the issues, and oooohhh are there issues!
The acting is atrocious, though not the worst I’ve ever seen. I’d compare it to the acting in Butchered. The characters overact the majority of their lines, and a lot of the emotion in every scene is forced, including the scenes where they aren’t really supposed to be doing ANYTHING.
The writing is also abysmal, the dialogue not really lending much more to the movie than creating excuses as to why the characters are making decisions that no human being would make, real world or otherwise, in the same situation. Kate Glover (Writer, Director, and Producer) would’ve saved a lot of headache by simply having the characters say “I’m going here, I’m doing this so that I can be a sitting duck for the guy who wants to gut me like a fish.”
The audio is the worst part of the film, really. The dialogue is so subdued that, when you hear it, you only get the basic snippets. A lot of the time you don’t know what’s going on or who’s who until they’re screaming each other’s names while getting a hedge saw up their arse.
Let’s face it: This wasn’t a HORRIBLE movie, but it needs work in a lot of areas. The issues don’t make the film unwatchable, but they do make it hard to enjoy. If you want to watch, be my guest.
Just make sure you’re drinking.