Fail-Flix

Bad Movies Beware!

Rabid Love-Musical Montage From Hell

Ah, the 80s.  Hands-down, the 1980s was the greatest decade to be a kid.  You had your timeless classics, such as The Goonies and Ghostbusters as well as dozens of others because your dad knew how to do that trick with two VCRs.  Full House and Alf were in their prime, and everyone watched Muppet Babies, GI Joe, He-Man, and anything else to do with toys or was on the USA Cartoon Express.
And slasher flicks.  The BEST slasher flicks.
And no hyperlinks.
Jesus.
So as I peruse my collection of movies I find that a fan has given me yet ANOTHER great 80s slasher flick!  Rabid Love calls to me in its great glam and blood-soaked sultry voice, saying “Come to me, my eighties-loving child.  Come to a world of girls wearing legwarmers and flashing their boobies.  Come to the era people getting killed in the most ridiculous ways possible because it’s funny.”
What?  “Copyright 2013?”  What the hell is this s**t?!
Rabid Love stars Hayley Derryberry, who also happens to be the writer and producer of the film.  In fact, the director, Paul J. Porter, also has a large role in the film.  He’s also the producer.  And the Associate Producer (he gets himself coffee and takes notes for himself when he’s about to present to investors).  And the Editor.
Anway, onwards!!
Heather and her friends, Summer and Julie, go on a weekend getaway that is to be their last before they all separate and go off to college.  Along for the ride are Heather’s boyfriend, John, and his obnoxious best friend, Adam.
While they are enjoying their stay at the cabin, John meets up with a local photographer, David, who is trying to get pictures of the bear that has been rumored to be attacking hikers in the area.  David helps John reset a bear trap and pricks him on the back with a needle or something during the process.
John writes it off as a bug-bite and invites David over for dinner.  That night John begins to complain of fatigue and rubs his shoulder where David pricked him.  He retires early, and the others go on with their evening.
I might as well bring it up now.  That way, should you decide to watch this movie, you can’t say I allowed you to be blindsided, thus failing in my venture to unearth the crap that makes you curious whilst perusing the shelves at the video store (they’ll come back, dammit!!!).
Remember when 80s flicks would begin or end scenes with a snippet of whatever music was popular at the time?  The trend carried over into the nineties as well, then stepped back towards the turn of the century and became a radio snippet.  This movie not only has 80s music, it has songs NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF.
Plus, about a half an hour of the movie is comprised of montages.  That’s right!  They don’t play a snippet!  They play the whole f**king song!!
Aaaanyway, the next night, David shows up to dinner, and we get another musical montage of everyone eating.  David is quiet and shy, and Julie is obviously interested in him.  John retires early again, Adam goes into the next room to continue to get wasted, and Heather and Summer go outside so that Julie and David can be alone.  David promptly leaves, assuring Julie that she will see him again.
That night, during yet another musical montage, John has sex with Heather then rolls over and goes to sleep.
Yeah, it’s significant.  I know, right?
John sneaks out for a run, and Summer follows him.  They meet up in the woods, hook up, and the scene fades as the song ends.
The next morning, Heather and Julie go out looking for them.  Heather stumbles across Summer’s body, David appears and tells them to call the police.
I can probably sum up the next bit with: “Some stuff happens.”  Believe it or not, I’ve skipped A LOT in the summary.  The bulk of the movie is character development.  Considering that this is a slasher movie, it comes off as boring and uneventful.  By the time things started rolling, I was rooting for the killer.
By the end of things David has killed off a wandering hippie chick from a group he killed earlier (yes, you read that right), has caught Julie in a bear trap, and has Heather on the run.  It is revealed that he is a mad scientist who has a created a “Super-Rabies” strain and is conducting human trials.
Heather finds his lab and, in a fit of synthesized 80s music, destroys it.  David hears the montage start…I mean, his lab explode, and goes after it.  Heather returns and is cornered by John as the montage comes to a close.
David appears and is attacked by John, who kills him with a bite to the neck.  John attacks Heather, and she is able to escape.  She grabs David’s gun and shoots John.
As Heather, Julie, and Heather’s cop friend who had nothing to do with the plotline other than transition into the chauffer at the end, begin another montage while driving off into the distance, Heather comes under the control of the rabies strain (remember the sex scene?) and kills the cop and Julie.  The montage transitions into credits as she runs away.
The End
VERDICT: Needs a vaccine.
Let me start by saying that, like Slaughtered, this movie has its pros and cons.  It’s not a “terrible” movie, but it does kind of deserve its place in the “Bad Movie” genre.  It has its good points, but it also has its problems.
I have to give it to Hayley Derryberry: the concept is good for a slasher flick and potential Bad Movie.  A mad scientist wants to create a rabies strain that can be used in biological warfare and is testing it on people.  But a lot of the writing has its hiccups.  The opening scene where Heather is jogging and runs up on two girls slaughtered by a bear (according to IMDB these girls are her sister and her sister’s friend) has no bearing on the story whatsoever.
Supposedly there is a short film also done by Derryberry that spawned this movie, but I was unable to find it ANYWHERE, and it might shed some light on a few characters and plot points.  But I shouldn’t have to watch it to get what’s going on.
The 80s look was pretty spot-on.  In most indie-flicks that take place in the 80s you see mistakes, such as characters with digital cameras (as in $2000 DSLRs) and cell phones that they try to write off as “gadgets of the future” IF they say anything at all about it.  The props and clothing styles were refreshingly accurate, and Porter managed to steer clear of dropping media references from the era.  Many indie films tend to focus on these in order to go “LOOKITME!  LOOKITME! I TAKE PLACE IN THE 80S!!!”
The make-up and gore effects, though done on the cheap, were surprisingly well-done.  The cuts and slashes weren’t obviously gelatin and corn syrup, and the bite on David’s neck wasn’t obviously one of Miley’s pasties hosed in ketchup and adhered to Brandon Stacy’sskin as he pretended to die from his mortal wound.
Though the acting was well-done and the camera work was above average, the musical montages were WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY overdone.  Almost half the movie was musical montages while we watched the characters look determined or lost in thought while walking.  If I want to watch a movie about people walking I’ll hit up The Lord of the Rings.  While my favorite movies of all time, there is QUITE a bit of walking.
All in all, not a terrible movie.  I can say I’d recommend it if you want to watch a good indie-flick for a change of pace, but be patient because you can’t skip the montages.  Some of the critical plot points take place during them, and you’ll end up lost if you hit the fast forward button.
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This entry was posted on June 2, 2014 by in Cheesy Slasher Flix.
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