Killjoy 2: Cramming your Happy Meal up your a** a second time!

Oh God, a second one?

Killjoy was a Blacksploitation/Independent Horror movie that told the story of a boy being bullied by a gang and called upon Killjoy the Killer Clown for revenge. The story was done before, but it’s not a particularly bad concept. Then again, the concept doesn’t change, but the ability to see the concept behind the s**t flinging might change with a little bad writing and a LOT of bad acting. Add in a flow of bad decisions and rip-offs from other horror franchises and you get a mish-mash of crap and clown make-up.

Killjoy 2 opens with some 70s-style disco music and a black kid running from the cops. Nick makes his way into a building, but the two officers catch him. They plant cocaine on him and haul him away.

In the next scene, we meet Harris and Martinez. These two detention officers have the responsibility of taking the delinquents off for the weekend to help renovate a shelter for the homeless while the kids stay at the detention center. Martinez introduces the kids in a way utterly reminiscent of any campy video game I’ve ever played.

We meet Ce-Ce, Nick (again), Ray-Ray, Charlotte, and Eddie. Ce-Ce has a rap sheet for selling sex, Ray-Ray has a habit of breaking and bntering, Charlotte is a “Goody-Goody” type with a pension for pyromania, and Eddie was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Before I go any further, I have to be fair: the first 20 minutes of this movie is nothing but exposition. The first movie was the same way. It was a lot of time getting to know characters that, frankly, we don’t care about, and Killjoy shows up a little later to start knocking them off.

In a nutshell: it drags like Renee Zellweger’s Oscars speech.

Things don’t really start to pick up until the van breaks down in the middle of nowhere at night. Harris pops the hood, realizes that the problem is more severe than he can fix, and recruits the boys to come with him and search for a phone while the girls wait at the van.

Oh yes. There are MANY clichés.

While the boys are off searching, Martinez is constantly checking her ancient flappable calling device. I think she called it a “cell” phone. How the hell she can look at Facebook on that thing, I will never know.

The boys happen across a cabin that looks like it’s inhabited by inbred rednecks. Thinking that this place should have a phone, they break in to find a blonde girl with a shotgun waiting for them. She shoots Ray-Ray, but he’s still alive. Harris shoots her with his own gun. The boys run off without Harris and hear more gunshots.

Everyone regroups at the van, and they head off to search for help. Ray-Ray is bleeding out. They come across another random house in the woods and meet the owner, Kadja, who welcomes them in.

And she’s a voodoo priestess. Hell, isn’t everyone?

She talks to them about the vengeful spirit, Killjoy, and that they will be safe as long as he isn’t summoned. Note: we are now 32 minutes into the movie, and this is the first we’ve heard of Killjoy. I’d even forgotten that I was watching a Killjoy film until this point.

Ce-Ce leaves, and Nick follows her. She tells him that she has voodoo background in her family, and Nick convinces her to summon Killjoy. It doesn’t seem to work, and she agrees to have sex with him in exchange for drugs. When she finds out that he was lying about the drugs, she takes off and finds an outhouse.

I guess getting angry makes her need to poop.

Enter Killjoy, played by Trent Haaga. We are now forty minutes in, and the titular character finally shows up. He toys with Ce-Ce a little by knocking on the walls of the outhouse, then takes his teeth out and sends them in to devour her. Simple, stupid, and wisecracks that would make Freddy Krueger groan.

Yup. It’s Killjoy, all right.

Kills like this aren’t much different from the first movie, though Killjoy doesn’t transport them to an alternate realm this time. That part is actually a relief, really.

Kadja warns Martinez, Charlotte, and Eddie that Killjoy has been summoned. Ray-Ray is dead, and Nick returns without Ce-Ce. The group sends him back out to find her, but Killjoy kills him off. Eddie also goes out, but Killjoy makes quick work of him as well.

Kadja decides to make a final stand against Killjoy, but Killjoy takes her out quickly and breaks into the house to kill Charlotte and Martinez. He knocks Martinez out, and Charlotte grabs a spell book and starts an incantation. Killjoy acts bored and swats the book out of her hand.

Suddenly, Harris breaks in! Yeah, you know, that one guy that disappeared earlier and hasn’t been mentioned by any of the characters since? Him. That one. He shoots at Killjoy, but the bullets don’t work. Charlotte finds a bowl of holy water and douses Killjoy, ending his reign of pointlessness.

The three remaining characters reunite, everyone is happy. Love all around. Hugs and kisses. Drive off into the sunset. Yay.

VERDICT: Yeah, I got nothing.

No, really. Nothing. It’s bad enough that the movie sucks. But, were I the director, I would at least consider people trashing it as something. The silence would be the worst thing of all. I really don’t know what to say about this film. It literally has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

The acting, surprisingly, isn’t the worst thing about the film. Make no mistake, however, the acting sucks demonic donkey teats. No one in the film delivered their badly written lines in a manner that wasn’t on par with every elementary school “program” you’ve ever seen. You know the ones. Those events at the school you wouldn’t go to unless your kid was participating.

And even then it’s painful.

The music? I can’t really say anything bad about the music. They couldn’t decide between cliché horror movie stock music and Blacksploitation Disco, so they went with a mix of both. I found myself nodding my head a few times during the disco stuff, so I guess that would be a redeeming quality after all.

Really, the writing was the worst of it. The writers, one of them also being the director, obviously had a hell of a time trying to figure out how to progress the story and no real direction for it to go. The dialogue and events were forced, having the characters make pointless decisions that, given any particular scene, made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Sequels are either worse than the original, or on par. It’s not often that a sequel is better, though it’s not unheard of, either. Aliens, Star Wars (The Empire Strikes Back and The Force Awakens), and Terminator 2 are a few that managed to take the original material and really go somewhere with it.

Killjoy 2 just takes the source material and heads right back into the crapper.

I give it 4 Piles of S**t. The music was the only saving grace, but certainly avoid the hell out of it at any cost unless you really are just that curious.