Bad Movies Beware!

Sharknado 3-Oh Hell No!: The Asylum found their cash cow

Sharknado 3-Oh Hell No!: The Asylum found their cash cow

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Typically, a sequel is indicative of one of two things: the storyline left off and needs to continue to answer some questions left behind, or the studio is making bank and just won’t let the franchise die. (Disney, I’m looking at you. Let High School Musical die.)

Anywho, on to the quick rundown!

The Asylum is this generation’s Troma Studios. They release movies saturated in absurdity and typically air their farts on SyFy Network for the world to gag on. They’re the culprits behind such gems as Megashark vs. Mechashark and Santa Paws. They also shat out Transmorphers and Snakes on a Train since one of their claims to fame is making lame Trash Cinema copycats of blockbuster films.

Then someone came up with the idea of a tornado slinging sharks all over the place, and history was made. The first one was bad, but it had its charm. The second one embraced its own stupidity with fervor and was a smash hit and wildly entertaining. Since The Asylum was making huge money off of the franchise, the third one was a no-brainer.

And yes, the fourth one is already out.

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Yeah, yeah, I’ll get to it.


Fin is on the run again, now being recognized nationally as a hero for saving New York City from the giant Sharknados that threatened to destroy it. Having stopped two sets of Sharknados, the one in L.A. and the one in New York, Fin has a sort of sixth sense about them and knows when they’re coming. He spots one brewing over Washington DC and heads to the White House for his award ceremony and to warn the President.

All hell breaks loose, and Fin joins forces with the President and goes on a shark-killing spree. Meanwhile, April and her mother are in Florida with Claudia, Fin’s daughter that we’ve not heard from since the first movie. April is also pregnant, but that doesn’t stop her from “playing ninja for two” (yes, that is a line in the film) when the Sharknados hit Universal Studios.

Fin arrives just in time, and the Sharknados hit hard. Nova returns from the first film, and she’s made herself a Sharknado-hunting badass. She and Fin team up, and things hit the fan when they try to use the same old tricks to take out the Sharknados while trying to figure out why the storms keep happening. When the old methods don’t work, Fin decides to enlist his dad for help and takes the fight into outer space.

Yes. I said outer space. Don’t hate.

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Not gonna lie: I love the Sharknado films!

Yes, I am a slut. Feel free to judge me.

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Keeping this review short because I don’t want to spoil things if you haven’t seen this one yet. As much as I loved the second Sharknado film, this one steps it up a few notches with even more clichés and stupidity that just make it way too hard not to sit down with a pizza and a beer or twelve and have some fun for an hour and a half.

The effects are still on the cheap. I’m thinking that The Asylum just doesn’t believe in quality CGI, which is fine by me. The cheapness of the CGI actually adds to the film’s allure and charm. I would actually hate to see a big-budget Sharknado film hit the theaters simply because the updated realistic effects would detract from the goofiness that the series is going for. It would make the deaths horrible instead of laughable and the sharks intimidating instead of silly.

The acting is what it is. Everyone in these movies knows exactly what they signed up for, and they roll with it no-holds-barred. It’s over-the-top cheap line delivery that’s overacted in ways that would make William Shatner blush, and it works gloriously.

If I can say anything, I’d say my only complaint is the soundtrack. The orchestrated music is fairly on par with the other films, but the songs are all centered around Sharknados and a bit upbeat and campy. Not that it’s a problem or anything, but I’d like to hear some thrash metal during a larger storm sequence, something that would pull me a little closer to the edge of my seat and still not disappoint with the amount of ignorance that I’ve signed up for when watching these films.

Let’s face it, people: The Sharknado franchise may very well be this generation’s new Friday the 13th. These movies just keep on coming and keep upping the bar on how far they can go and how silly they can get. I’m giving this one Pile of S**t. It’s a lot of fun and totally worth killing a few brain cells to watch. And, if you’re like me and just don’t watch television, then you’re trying to find ways to watch the fourth one as soon as possible without having to deal with commercials!



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This entry was posted on August 16, 2016 by in amazing, gory, Monster Fails, nonsense, overblown, science fiction, stupidity and tagged , , .
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