Devil Girl from Mars: Show-and-Tell will never be the same.

 

Remember Kindergarten?

Everyone looked forward to Show-and-Tell. You were welcome to bring in your favorite toy or item, show it off to the class, and talk about it. I remember bringing in my Godzilla toy.

Yeah, I was THAT kid.

The teacher loved me to death, though.

Well, take that concept and combine it with 1954 British Science Fiction filmmaking, and you have Devil Girl from Mars. I love the IMDB description.

An uptight, leather-clad female alien, armed with a ray gun and accompanied by menacing robot, comes to Earth to collect Earth’s men as breeding stock.

 I know what you’re thinking: Madonna finally flipped s**t.

Believe it or not, this movie has a huge cult following and is considered a favorite in the Bad Movie social circle. But, I’ll get into that later. In the meantime, say it with me!

ONWARD!

The movie opens with an airplane flying through the clouds. It suddenly explodes for no apparent reason, and the scene shifts to an inn somewhere in Britain. The barmaid, Doris, is listening to the radio while her doting boss, Mrs. Jameson, bustles around cleaning after a busy night. Jameson’s nephew, Tommy, is also around, as is Mr. Jameson, who is the bungling husband.

The radio introduces the Professor and his journalist buddy, Michael, who are in the area searching for a meteor that has just impacted a few miles away. The news also reveals that a convict has escaped and is on the loose in the countryside. This convict, Robert, is a long-lost lover of Doris’s and shows up at the inn seeking shelter.

Doris covers for him to Mrs. Jameson, calling him “Albert,” a lost hitchhiker.

Yeah, keep your eye on that one. The confusion sets in later.

The Professor and Michael also show up to the inn and ask to stay the night so that they can get a fresh start in the morning. Michael recognizes Albert as Robert and makes a stink about it. But, just as things escalate, a flying saucer that looks an awful lot like the rim off of a truck lands a few hundred yards from the inn.

No, seriously. This thing is hilarious.

Once the ship stops spinning, our slightly buzzed cast is visited by the ship’s pilot, Nyah. This leather-clad chick is from Mars, and she’s here looking for a man. No, really.

Nyah tells everyone that they are powerless to stop her and then leaves while the group drinks another round and discusses what happened. This is pretty much how the movie goes for the rest of the running time. Nyah shows up, brags about her power, leaves. Everyone has a drink and talks it over.

In one scene, Nyah decides to lead the group outside so she can show them her robot companion. This thing is hilarious. It looks like a Red Box with arms and legs, and it can vaporize anything it aims its laser at.

Kind of like Robbie the Robot on crack.

At one point, Nyah hypnotizes Robert and makes him her slave. The group ties him up, and Doris sees to him while the Professor convinces Nyah to let him look around inside her ship.

Okay, calling a BIG Time Out, here.

So let me make sure I understand this so far. This chick lands a ship in the back yard, vaporizes the grounds guy, vaporizes everything in sight with her walking Pepsi machine, and you want to go look around in the ship? And what does she do?

Pretty much “Yo, check out my ride.”

Nyah comes back with the Professor and chooses Mike to come with her to Mars. Mike says his goodbyes and is leaving when Robert shows up. Doris was able to un-hypnotize him, and he convinces Nyah to take him instead of Mike. Nyah agrees and takes Robert aboard her ship.

As Nyah and Robert leave in the ship, the group watches from the pub. The ship flies into the distance and suddenly explodes. Doris cries out for Albert…Robert. Wait.

Okay, Doris, what the hell is his name? No, I will not calm down! She’s done this the whole movie! Once line he’s “Robert,” the VERY next line he’s “Albert.” Doris, you mean to tell me that you’ve reunited with your jailed lover and you can’t even get his name right?!

Anyway, the group reacts to the ship exploding, then goes back inside to have drinks and talk about what just happened.

Credits.

VERDICT: Cheap liquor.

It’s funny how even Britain’s bad movies are STILL better quality than our bad movies.

Technically speaking, there’s not much wrong with this movie. The sound isn’t bad at all; the effects are par for the course, except for the ship exploding, which is actually a pretty neat effect; and the acting is fairly good considering the script.

What IS bad is the plot on the whole. There is a LOT of exposition that I didn’t cover earlier because, frankly, it’s completely unnecessary to the movie. These are the scenes that happen before and between Nyah’s Show-and-Tell sessions that just drag on and on before the characters almost literally go: “Oh! The movie! Right!”

And really, that’s what this movie is: Nyah showing off how powerful she is and how insignificant we are. Well, toots, you came here looking for a man. We must be doing something right.

Every scene is “Look at this,” or “Let me demonstrate my power.” Really, like Seinfeld, it’s a movie where nothing much really happens outside of Nyah landing her ship in the beginning and her ship blowing up at the end. This movie is just lacking in substance, which really doesn’t make for a longer review.

I’m giving this movie four Piles of S**t. It’s not the worst movie I’ve seen by comparison, but it really serves up a round of boredom that just doesn’t mix with any drink you can think of.